Be Moderate with Your Children

Bismi Llāhi r-Raḥmāni r-Raḥīm

Our Prophet ṣallá Llāhu ‘alayhi wa-sallam says,

“خَيْرُ الْأُمُورِ الْوَسَط”

“Khayru l-‘Umoori l-Wasat”

“The middle of everything is best.” Aw kama qāl.

Our Prophet ṣallá Llāhu ‘alayhi wa-sallam that it is best not to go to extremes in any matter. Our Prophet ṣallá Llāhu ‘alayhi wa-sallam said, “It is good to have moderation in all matters.” He ﷺ also said, “Neither be too lax nor too strict.” This applies to everything; in acts of worship, in dealings with people, and in treating one’s family and children.

Nowadays, people are either too strict or too lenient. By human nature, the more freedom one gives, the more freedom one desires; there is no end to this. Therefore, to appreciate the value of everything, there must be a limit. As we said, it should be done with kindness, not harshness.

That method needs to be learned. Now, this is called “diplomacy.” How? You get things done the way you want, but not by force; the other party does what you want, but thinks they are doing it of their own free will. However, you have implied what they should do, how they should behave, or you have put the conditions for that situation.

This state is the same in relationships with family, siblings, or other people. If you go straight at people, no one will accept you. Even if they are silent at that moment, they will turn against you later when they get the chance, and all your efforts will be wasted. Therefore, the most important thing is relationships with family and children.

Often, brothers and sisters come and say, “My son or daughter is 14 or 15 years old, and they have become very stubborn and rebellious.” It is Allāh’s ﷻ wisdom; at that age, a person reaches maturity, their body undergoes changes. They are transitioning from childhood to youth. Actually, in the past, a person who reached the age of 15 would become a man or a woman, supporting their family; but it’s not like that now.

However, in terms of physical development, the situation is still the same. By Allāh’s ﷻ wisdom, a great change occurs in a person when they reach puberty. Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to this. Some people look at a child and say, “How did this happen? Was he possessed? Did a jinn enter him? What happened?” But it’s nothing. It is by Allāh’s ﷻ wisdom.

Their physical state is changing. They are stepping from childhood into womanhood or manhood. It is necessary to manage this process and treat them accordingly. How should we treat them? You will learn gradually. You shouldn’t be too harsh, nor should you completely give them freedom. You will manage them in a certain way, helping them get through those times.

May Allāh ﷻ grant them blessed lives. Because children are the most important; they are the treasure of both humanity and Islām. We must not waste them, may Allāh ﷻ protect us. As we said, our ‎Prophet ﷺ was merciful. Those with him ﷺ are also compassionate. He ﷺ taught us mercy and how to treat people; we must pay attention to this.

May Allāh ﷻ help us, protect our children, and guide all Muslim children and others also, in shā’a Llāh. Wa min Allah at-Tawfiq.

Al-Fatiha.

•⁠ ⁠Mawlana Sheikh Muhammad Adil ar-Rabbaniق

22 February 2026/ 4 Ramadan 1447

Fajr Prayer – Akbaba Dergah, Istanbul

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