Discipline Your Children’s Egos Early

Bismi Llāhi r-Raḥmāni r-Raḥīm

وَمَا أُبَرِّئُ نَفْسِي ۚ إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لَأَمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلَّا مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّي ۚ إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

(Qur’ān 12:53)

“Wa-mā ubarri’u nafsī, Inna An-Nafsa La- ‘Ammāratun Bis-Sū’i ‘Illā Mā Raĥima Rabbī ۚ ‘Inna Rabbī Ghafūrun Raĥīm”

“And I do not acquit myself. Verily, the (human) self is inclined to evil, except when my Lord bestows His Mercy (upon whom He wills). Verily, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” Ṣadaqa Llāhu l-‘Aẓīm.

We don’t consider our ego good or sane, says the ayah karīmah. The ego constantly commands evil. It desires evil, and we must restrain it. We must not do what it wants.

Now, most people say, “We are fighting our ego.” It is good if you knew that. Some directly give their ego whatever it wants. We must fight it (jihād).

Families must train their children, from a young age, little by little to control their ego. Giving them everything they want isn’t good actually. If you’re going to give them, they must know what it means and know its value. Then, they must know that everything won’t happen right away. It requires patience.

People today have become so strange. In the past, children served their families, their fathers, and their mothers. Now people, let alone children – People today don’t serve their children; they serve their animals.

They have dogs and they are their service. All day long, they’re looking what they will eat, drink, where to take them, what they will do, and what this animal wants. And they serve them. They run after them. They spend their days looking after their food, drink, vitamins and I don’t know what. And they are in their service.

Whereas, service should be for the sake of Allāh ﷻ. You must serve Allāh ﷻ. And you must also train your ego and children accordingly. Serving your mother and father has a great reward; it’s what you need.

Allāh ‘Azza wa-Jalla also commands and states this in Qur’ān ‘Aẓīmu sh-Sha’n. If one does so, he will have good offsprings. If he doesn’t, as we see, these are strange people. People only do whatever their ego desires, whether young or old.

And now, they are passing laws that say punishment is less when you’re eighteen or under. Whereas, when one becomes mature, the punishment becomes justified. When must the punishment be applied? When prayer becomes obligatory. And the obligatory is when one becomes mature.

Whether a person, woman or man, when they reach that age of maturity —that is, when they can marry or have children—then punishment, sin, and all other things are recorded for them.

Allāh ‘Azza wa-Jalla has written sin starting that age. You can’t let them do as they please in dunyā. After that, affliction will befall you. Evil, brutality, and oppression will increase everywhere. Because if you don’t control them until that age, when they reach maturity, it will be difficult to control them later.

Therefore, you must tell children to pray at seven. At ten, you tell them even more. When they reach maturity – it’s not more than thirteen, fifteen; not more than fifteen, it’s even less.

Nowadays, they’re reaching maturity earlier because of what they’re eating. That time, if they don’t pray, their will have committed a sin and will be punished.

Otherwise, as we said, before they reach maturity, it’s not considered a sin, but it’s better to do it, and it’s more rewarding. However, after they reach maturity, they must make up as Qada’ every missed prayer.

If only the wise people in dunyā could legislate in this manner, they would have to bear the punishment for whatever they do after they become mature.

May Allah ﷻ grant us all mind and understanding, in shā’a Llāh. Allāh ‘Azza wa-Jalla clearly shows people what they must do. They don’t do so, and they still struggle saying, “Why is this child like that? How will we control him? How will we manage him?”

May Allāh ﷻ help us all, in shā’a Llāh. Wa min Allah at-Tawfiq.

Al-Fatiha.

• Mawlana Sheikh Muhammad Adil ar-Rabbaniق

15 September 2025/ 23 Rabih Al-Awwal 1447

Fajr Prayer – Akbaba Dergah, Istanbul